I rather like this one. A guy on the 419 board was doing a romance bait and needed an imaginary lawyer. I was happy to step in. His characters name is Randy, and his fiance in Nigeria is named Faith. Randy is quite rich, and he offered to send faith a new luxury car, but she thought it would be easier if he just sent her the cash. They have fallen in love, and his best friend Penfold (me) has gotten involved. My emails are in black, hers are in blue:
Dearest Ms. Faith
Good afternoon. My name is William J. Penfold, and I am the personal attorney for Mr. Randy Parks. I do believe that Mr. Parks has spoken to you about me. Allow me to take this opportunity to congratulate you on your engagement to Mr. Parks (or "Randy" as I like to call him). I look forward to the upcoming wedding, and I'm sure that in no time at all the Parks mansion will be alive with the pitter-patter of little baby Parks's (that was a joke).
Ms. Faith (you don't mind if I call you Ms. Faith, do you?), Randy has told me so much about you I feel like I know you already. I am so glad that you came into Randy's life. You see, in addition to being Mr. Parks's lawyer I am also his close personal friend, and I do so enjoy seeing him happy. You have made him very happy, and for that I thank you.
Ms. Faith, I do so hope that you and Randy will live out the rest of your life together as man and wife, but the cold truth of the matter is that in the United States alone 53.74% of all marriages lead to divorce. Studies have shown that marriage is the major cause of divorce. For that reason I am forced to address the rather touchy subject of the pre-nuptial agreement that Mr. Parks sent over to you for your review and signature. Have you had a chance to read that over and sign it yet? I do need you to forward me a signed copy just as quick as possible. Yesterday would be great ..... hahahahahaha (that was another joke!).
Ms. Faith, are you represented by counsel in this matter, and have you had a chance for your counsel to review the document that Mr. Parks sent you? Please have your lawyer contact me concerning any questions on the document. I do realize that both you and Mr. Parks truly believe that you have found true love, but my job is to make sure that the interests of Mr. Parks is well represented, and I do have to inform you that we cannot proceed any further with money transfers or wedding plans or anything else until the pre-nuptial document is agreed upon and signed by both parties.
I hope you realize that I am just doing my job, and I'm sure that in the years to come we will all sit around the dinner table and have many a chuckle over this whole affair. However, this matter must be taken care of immediately.
Kindly have your lawyer contact me at [email protected] and we can hash this whole nasty business out. After all, that's what us lawyers are for, right! (another joke!).
With warmest regards and best wishes
William J. Penfold
Attorney at Law
Hello Mr. William,
Thanks for you email, anyway my Crown has already told me much about what and he also told me that you are not only an attorney alone but you are also our family friend, so i have known you before now through my lovely husband, yes i must give my lovely husband children as i wish to.
No, don't call me Ms Faith, always call me Mrs. Randy, don't be surprise because i and Randy is not yet married Legally, but i know it will happen, so please always call me Mrs. Randy. You are welcome i appreciate your commend.
Yes, my promise to him is to live with him as a Wife for the rest of my life. Oh what a pity, that is nonsense there is no such divorce here in Nigeria if you do Traditional Marriage, in fact women of culture don't like to divorce anyway that is American problem they are fund of divorce, why are they use to divorce? anyway i love my Sweet Randy that is why i want to marry him and i don't think we can divorce, so please erase that in your mind okay, although you have to do your job but don't treat me like an American girl, treat me like an Africa, we have a lot of home training and respect here in Africa because it is in our Culture. More so i have not sign the documents yet because i felt that my Husband should pay my dowry which is compulsory first according to our tradition here but since you said without that you can't carry out your job, anyway i will sign and send a copy to you today, mind you all this should be done when i arrive to My husband but it seems you doubt me and i hate this, please don't upset me by trying to do your job, i could even tell you that i will sign all this when i get to my husband.
I am not represented by anyone i will do all that myself, i don't have money to higher any Lawyer, didn't your friend tell you that i am so poor? Anyway my Family is my Witness and i need Randy to fulfill his promise over our discussion about my Family.
Don't say that if i don't do the signing we can not proceed because i am not suppose to sign yet because Randy has not paid my dowry and all other things i told him, he must do all this first so that my Family will be happy and rest assured that he his ready to marry me, we don't so much believe in other people cultures here, what we believe in is love and trust, i and Randy has be for so long and we know each other very well so i don't think something bad can happen to anyone in this case, anyway i have no Lawyer, it is the rich ones that have Lawyers here, Once again my Lawyer will be our Elders here and they need Randy to pay my Dowry and settle them on time before i can do anything with him, I love my Sweet Randy so much but we have to settle the Elders first then i will do all this you ask me to do, please do not be upset but try to understand what our culture, tradition and custom request for, i hope you understand?
I know that you are doing your job but in this case try to be considerate and don't treat me like someone you don't know just treat me as if you know me, so cooperate with me so that i and my Sweet Randy' dream can come true.
I told you earlier that i don't have a Lawyer, so no one will be contacting you on my behalf, so talk to me alone, and i will always feed you back with whatever my Family say about this, but for Love sake i will sign the Document so that everything can be faster
as i wish to be with my love as soon as possible.
My Crown told me that he will be traveling and will be back in next few days, so he said you will be the one to send money on his behalf to avoid waste of time, is it true?
Extend my greeting to my Sweet Randy.
From Mrs. Randy Parks